Behind the Author

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Seeping Skeletons

I don't intend for this blog to dip into the closets of my past, however, sometimes the past seeps out. Memories are crazy like that. Seriously, they are. The other day was walking around Walmart, and the smell of Sweet Pea body lotion caught me off guard. Oh how that smell takes me back to my teenage years, and one of Tony's and my first dates. First time we held hands. :) Crazy.

It's hard to imagine that we are still together considering the rocky beginning we experienced. I guess that's how I truly know he is the one I am meant to be with. I pretty much gave him every reason to leave, yet he fought for us.. he fought for me. I suffered from depression during my teenage years. I put my family and friends through hell with misguided anger, self-injury and suicide attempts. But, in the end love won out.   

When you're a teenager life should be filled with boys, mall trips, and endless sleepovers with friends.. and mine was, up until a point. I was forced into dealing with very adult issues and it took just about 4 years to work through it all. But do those type of memories ever really go away? Or are they always there, secretly hidden, just waiting for that one smell, that one noise, that one touch to take you back to the one place you try so hard to forget? 

I guess that's where I'm at tonight. It happens. Memories come flooding back and I'm left in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, crying through the pain. I am just thankful that my God is bigger than my past and continues to bring me through it.

8 comments:

  1. I think I understand. For me though, it is the smell of Ivory soap. I can't stand that smell. I have had a hard time letting go of some things in my past. It is rare that I feel bad still but prayer really helps. Great big *hugs* to you.

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    1. Thank you so much! Hugs to you too! It's rare when I have these moments, but I agree prayer does help!

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  2. I've heard scent is the sense tied strongest to memory, and I believe it. For me, it's Juniper Breeze. It makes me feel sick and sad. Thanks for being strong enough to share a bit of your story. As a teacher, I see so many teenagers battle with depression. They need support to know it can and will get better.

    Following your blog!

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  3. Every now and again they come out of no where. It happens to all of us; I use it to think of how far I've come and all the obstacles I've overcome to be where I am today, which is pretty awesome!

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    1. Amen to that! Me too! :) Thanks for the comment.

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  4. Our past will always be our past- Just keep looking towards the future. If you loose yourself, just look at your beautiful boys!

    Hopping by from the Friday Hop! Come check us out and follow us too! www.sweepstakesmama.com

    xoxo,

    Candy representing Sweepstakes Mama

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  5. I was very much like you as a teenager. It's truly miraculous to look back and realize where our journey has lead us so far...and marvel & wonder about what else is in store! The way I look at it, I may have struggled back then...but if I hadn't, I wouldn't be who and where I am now. As my grandma used to frequently say, "Everything happens for a reason."

    I've nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award...just stop by my blog to collect!

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  6. I STOPPED OVER FROM KELLY'S AND SO GLAD I DID WOW GIRL YOU TOLD THAT SO INCREDIBLY CLOSE TO ME AND MY TEENAGE YEARS YIKES!!! BUT SUCH AN EYE OPENER TO US ALL HAVING FACE SOMETHING THAT NOW IS WHAT MADE US SUCH AN UNBELIEVABLE, LOVABLE CHILD OF GOD WHO LOVES US NO MATTER WHAT OUR PAST WAS OR IS!!! YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS AND NOW ONE OF MY TREASURE FRIENDS TO FOLLOW.

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